Toot! Toot!

Ok, so not to toot my own horn - but here I go anyway.. Apparently I look WAY better than I feel. Now, I don't live in a fantasy world - I mean, who is going to actually have the balls to tell a 6'0 pregnant woman in 100 degree weather that she looks like shit? BUT, the gays all told me I look FAB and I keep hearing this ever so important compliment from random strangers! toot toot!!

I survived the shower; however, there are several bodies in my wake. My perfect little nephews girlfriend no-called, no-showed. Told you I didn't like her, but he is in trouble as well. A few other people didn't show either even though they RSVP'd - THAT IS RUDE IDIOTS. Not sure if my college girlfriend and I will survive the distance after this weekend. Brain tumor, I-had-a-Latin-lover, ex-coworker was great and my friend/little sister is fantastic as always. My mom behaved herself and in perfect form, my gay husband was wonderful. The people that ACTUALLY showed, were extremely generous and I didn't sweat at all.

Cpt J is coming home tonight. It was good for him to have a little reminder of crash pad living and I think two nights were enough. He emailed his chief pilot this morning to let him know that he will need to take FMLA in only a few more weeks!! He said he felt like such a dad. I love that guy, all it takes is small stuff to make him happy.

Cpt J's wife is treating herself to pizza rolls tonight for not being arrested

Made It Through One, Bring On Another

I survived, barely.

I am so glad I quit smoking. I mean really, at one point it was 105 on the back porch - is sitting out there puffing away really worth it? I am not really sure I was there, I spent the whole time inside. Not sweating my ass off drinking beer and smoking in air that wasn't being circulated. God forbid they should spring for a ceiling fan, or even one that oscillates on the floor. Those days of insanity are over.

They justified not coming to my shower this weekend by giving us some gifts while we were there. It is really sad when the neighbor people put more thought into a purchase than the soon-to-be-grandparents.

Now that all of that is behind me, my girlies have started arriving. My old-assistant-turned-little-sister, popped in last night to say hey before she was off running the town. She left her little puggie with us, and off she went. My college buddy that initiated all of this shower insanity will be in tomorrow, and my ex co-worker that had the brain tumor and the Latin lover will be in Friday. I have quite the motley crew of friends that will all be forced to sit through two-hours of ooohs and aahhs on Saturday. Should be fun sans the normal supply of alcohol.

Cpt J has decided that he will be spending a few days with one of his work buddies to avoid all the estrogen. I will miss him, but am looking forward to some female bonding before I bring another man into the house.

Cpt J's wife surrounded by boys

Draw The Line Already!

Heli-mom is on her way over. I am just not having a great day and I guess she could hear it in my voice. Somehow I don't think her arrival will be any sense of relief since she is part of my stress.

Cpt J has a hoopty truck that gets him to and fro the airport. Well, the motherf*** keeps breaking down. And you know, he is a FORD expert so he is determined to fix it himself. Here you go.. I drive to the ghetto of O-Town to follow him and the hoopty home. He clunks out about 5 miles from the FORD dealership.... I proceed to PUSH HIM with my Vue up the road. Hello, REDNECKS!! He is right, they want more than the truck is worth to fix it, so he wants me to PUSH him from the dealership tomorrow. WTF? No. So, I called a favor in and it is getting towed to the house. Why can't he just give in to the system and buy a new or newer vehicle? Does it makes sense to keep pouring money into a car? Where do you draw the line? Don't even get me started on the Mustang, but thank God for it, otherwise I would be driving back and forth to the airport.

My gay husband made a comment this morning that hurt my feelings. He has no filter and I am used to his honest remarks, but shit... can't seem to get past this one. Queen.

J picked up time on Saturday to make up for calling out yesterday. This means I have to meet him at the inlaws Saturday afternoon. I tried to get out of it, but apparently there is something "planned."

Blech.

Cpt J's wife is spoiled

Anxiety

Cpt J and I are off to the beach this weekend. Why am I then discussing this on Monday you ask? Well, I am already in high anxiety mode. The folding door to my pantry fell of this hinge this morning and I about ripped off the rest of the way and threw it through my glass front doors.

I am still trying to rationalize why we are going to the coast. Oh, to catch you up - NO ONE FROM J's FAMILY PLANS TO ATTEND THE BABY SHOWER. However, my super-selfish SIL is flying in tomorrow, renting a car, picking up my MIL, driving south 3 hours to pick up HER grandson, drive back 3 hours, spend the week with him at my inlaws, driving back south for 3 hours, then back for 3 hours to fly back to where she came from. BUT, she couldn't arrange her time so that she could come to the shower, bring my MIL and also be here for HER son's birthday (my super cute nephew who I love dearly). And my MIL can't make the hour and half drive to my house alone or with my FIL for her only son's, first and only baby with me - shower. If all that is confusing... these have to be the most selfish people I know. It's all for their convenience or nothing.

So, to keep my husband happy we are going over there this weekend so he can see his sister, his great-nephew (that he hasn't seen in a year) and spend Father's Day. Apparently his 34 week pregnant wife can make the hour and half ride, sleep in someone else's bed and park her ass on the back porch for 18 hours in the sweltering heat. No, I am not bitter.

I will have to bring my own groceries because I cannot sit and drink beer. She tried to poison me the last time she made Italian, and of course she is making her "famous" (famously disgusting) spaghetti. Did I mention that I have GD and am supposed to limit my carbs??

This is why I am starting to feel sick.. and there is so much more.

On another vein, Cpt J has been an angel. He even put on the pregnancy outfit at our class the other day to make me happy. I really wish I had had a camera. He has been flying alot, keeping busy through the summer months and bringing in the extra $. He really has been cool through everything.

Cpt J's wife is looking forward to July

Can I Start Counting Days Instead of Weeks?

I am done being pregnant, no really I am over it. If I look back about 15 posts, I will have probably find the same attitude - but, for me, pregnancy is not all glowing and fabulous.

I have scoliosis. I was diagnosed with a double-curvature in my 20's when I started walking with my right hip jutting out one morning. I am really tall and this has been my curse. Most of the time I am totally normal and don't have the hips of a golden retriever. Well, the past week has been awful. I can't take Aleve, muscle relaxers, pain meds - NOTHING! I can go to the chiropractor, but seems pointless without some sort of anti-inflammatory. Thank God for the Bengay topical patches, however I smell like an old lady.

Just going to the grocery store is a chore. Now, keep in mind I have only gained about 8-9 pounds, so I am not lugging around a potato sack yet. I can barely make it to the car without needing to sit down and forget getting the packages out of the car. I have to arrange this all around Cpt. J's schedule.

I pretend I am sleeping for as long as possible in order to prolong the beast and his potty breaks. Sorry, buddy.. mommy loves you.

All I want to do is sleep. Where are my sudden bursts of energy and my nesting moments? hahaha

My blood glucose monitor is my new best friend. I actually talk to it everytime I test. It has yet to answer me back with anything other than an obnoxious beep. I am surprised I am able to type with the tips of my fingers.

Makeup? What's that? Wear my hair down? Who are you kidding? I have a new zit? Oh well, it matches the others.

Thank God I have an amazing husband.

Cpt J's wife feeling the Florida heat and counting down the days

Skeleton's In The Closet

Keepin' Up With The Jones's Katie tagged me on seven things about myself, so here goes:

1. I have been 6' tall since I was about 14 years old.

2. I used to have an pro-am sponsorship with a well known skateboarding company.

3. I love to look in other people's windows.

4. I've kissed a girl.

5. I still watch The Real World and The Hills.

6. I hate that I was laid off from my job and that I have to rely on my husband.

7. I never wanted to have children, now I can't wait to meet my son and love him forever.

Cpt J's wife has lots of skeletons in the closet

Snobbery At It's Finest

So, a couple of my neighbors got together their boy's clothes and gave them to my filthy husband while he was in the yard working. He deposited them at the garage door and didn't tell me until I tripped over this HUGE box and bag and inquired. Cpt J informed me that he didn't tell me right away because he knew I wouldn't want them.

Ok, so I have officially reached MAJOR SNOB status. Apparently my husband has even labeled me a bitch and I feel kinda stinky about it (in this particular situation). Some of this stuff still has labels on it and the clothes are in great condition. Do I feel funny about putting my child in hand-me-downs-from-strangers? Yeah, a little - but shit... I would never tell them that!! I would thank them over and over again for their kindness and thoughtfulness! Sheesh J, am I that bad??

So, I went and bought thank you cards. Here's the problem, I don't even know their names. I only know them as "Einstein's (dog) mom and the hotty husband" and "Helicopter pilot wife." I can't very well put that on cards. As pathetic as it is going to sound, I am going to put the card in their mailboxes tonight. In the dead of darkness so they don't see me and my MAJOR SNOB self. I don't know how I am ever going survive the "mommy club." Insert suggestions here....

My baby shower is out-of-control. I told people I didn't want a shower for this very reason. Would they listen? NO!!!! More to follow....

Cpt J has nights this month. I don't like it. I have become spoiled with having him home every night and now he isn't... at least not sometimes until 1:00 AM.

Baby class is next week. I have already determined this is going to be a huge gigglefest. By the way, two pillows and a blanket? What for and how big should the pillows and blanket be?

Cpt J's wife muddling through