I Need A Brazilian

So, I have given up on the judge shows. They really are super stupid and bordering the ridiculous. Well, not sure if you know this or not - but, between Discovery Health and TLC, there is 24 hours of "Bringing Home Baby, A Baby Story, An Adoption Story...." I am obsessed, and slightly freaking out. There are women who scream bloody murder, and then the ones that just pop the kiddo out. There are great dads, good dads, and awful dads. This may be too much info, but my BIGGEST concern? I can't see my hoo ha to keep it groomed. Is this something I should even care about? Well, for the past at least 15 years this has been a daily part of my grooming process. I know it must look TERRIBLE and Cpt J isn't telling me. I mean, I can see myself in the mirror... oh, whatever.

J has been flying A LOT. His line for March is over 90 hours, so I am thrilled! Not only do I have a lot of time on my own, he is making extra $ and really feels like he is the "man of the house." For those of you who have known me for a while, I have always held this title. It has been a huge adjustment to sit back and let him row the boat for a bit. Sometimes it is frustrating, but honestly, it has been kind of nice to let someone else worry for a while.

NADIA SULEMAN is the the devil. Not really, but good God, she is EVERYWHERE! She's a maniac. And WTF with Haleigh Cummings? Between her and Casey Anthony and now Forbes list of "empty cities," Florida looks pretty damn pathetic. And what is up with George Clooney and his political involvement? And finally, "how to get planes to not hit birds." Um, hello.... birds, planes... blech.

Cpt J's wife wishing you a happy Fat Tuesday, have one on my behalf

Grocery Shopping on a Weekday Morning

I lost it today. Now, I am going to explain what provoked it and I would appreciate if you would hear me about before judging me because it is going to come off kind of bad.

I have been cutting coupons for a while now, before the big heave-ho from my job. Well, last night I got my coupons together, made my list and was proud of my accomplishment. Today around 1100 AM I headed to Walmart. I zipped through the shampoo, dog treats and discounted Valentine's candy. Then it was off to the food side of the store. It was a nightmare, a total and complete nightmare. There were so many people I couldn't believe it. I do have horrible anxiety and thought going to the store in the morning, on a Friday, would not be bad. I was wrong. There were families with mom and dad and kids in tow. Senior citizens eyeing the boxes. And then there was me. I haven't really brushed my hair in like two days so I had a hat on. I haven't bothered with makeup in about a week and I didn't give a whole lot of thought to what I was wearing. But, I had my Armani sunglasses and Prada bag. My clothes have either a person on a horse or an American flag on them. But, at that moment my whole life flashed in front of my eyes. I realized I was walking with my head down, scanning my coupons.. calculating costs in my head. At that time I was just another "statistic" at 1100 AM on a weekday, in Walmart.

I came home to Cpt J and just sobbed. I cried and cried about how spoiled I am and that my life as I knew it is over. I felt like such an unbelievable loser. A big 'ole spoiled, pregnant loser.

The coupons that I didn't use - I left for someone else. I tried to do my little part to help.

Then, I am behind the chick in line with the cart full of CRAP. She was obviously having a party because there were toys, balloons, paper plates, etc.. she paid for those with cash. The milk, cheese and Juicy Juice were paid for with a check of some sort. Is that how WIC works? I can't get WIC, on unemployment alone I will make too much. Who is going to help us? Thank God Cpt J is with a GREAT airline, but we all know how unpredictable that is. If something happens there, because we own a home, we won't get jack.

This is all temporary. I will get another job. I will not remain a statistic for too long. I couldn't imagine putting my child through that. If you need temporary help because of a bad situation, go for it! But, to make everyone else pay for you while you sit around and get a fatter ass is disgusting.

Cpt J's wife could really use a cocktail

My Body Is Changing and It Stinks!

My head smells. Well, I don't think that is my actual head - but my hair. For a few days I have been trying to figure out what the hell "that smell is." J sniffed me out and told me I smelled like vomit, nice. I only seem to smell it once I have showered at night and climbed into bed. I have changed the sheets, checked the pillows and mattress, looked under the bed... I decided last night that maybe I was growing an aversion to Ivory soap. So, I used a different soap tonight and still smelled "that smell." OMG, I realized that I smell like wet, dirty dog. Or, more along the lines of a piece of clothing that was left damp in the dryer for too long. I am freaking out, thinking, thinking, sniffing, sniffing, and I realized it is my FREAKIN' hair. I have been using the same shampoo for years! Now, it makes my wet hair smell like wet, dirty, damp, dryer dog! F@*#!**@! Prenatals maybe?

I had a phone interview today. The first resume I sent out got a hit, and they contacted me to "start the process." It was like chit chatting with a friend, got really excited about the position and salary and then BAM! turns out the position isn't "technically" in Orlando, but Tampa. Apparently, the goobers in Philly think that Tampa is considered Central Florida. Well, crap.... I so cannot add another 45 minutes to my previous commute. I didn't bother to tell her that I was MOST LIKELY not interested or the the little ditty that I am prego. We'll see if I get the "second step" call and go from there.

I have several besties that live all over the East Coast. A couple of them have put their heads together to attempt a baby shower for me this summer. There is a common factor here that has me annoyed... I typically don't mix friends. This one doesn't get a long with that one, ya know the drill... I must be pretty damn spectacular to deal with all these different personalities. I get along with just about everyone, I don't get it... Anyway, they are turning this shower into a vacay, which is fine, but I am currently not drinking and I don't see my fat ass trompting to the beach in June only to sit under an umbrella in my bathing suit tent. I am down with staying at the condo, but they are all so used to me "being up for the partay," that they are forgetting I am prego. More to follow....

My aunt rubbed my belly last night. A complete, unprovoked, unapproved rub. I love her, she's my aunt, I forgave her. But! there is always a but! people better not start doing this to me or I will slap their hand.

Cpt J's wife needs a bikini wax

Don't Tell My Secret

Other than the fact that we will be broke once the savings is gone, I am really enjoying this staying at home gig. I have been sleeping in, staying in my pj's most of the day and the beast has been climbing into bed once Cpt J heads out. It's lovely.

My mom is throwing a wrench in my all day viewing of every imaginable judge show. There are hot judges, old judges, black, white and latina judges - and even a GAY judge. I especially love watching Maury and the DNA testing of TONS of men to determine who my baby daddy is. I realize Maury is not REALLY a judge, but sort of. Anyway, heli-mom is coming over because my aunt is arriving from Glasgow. She is flying in to J's airport around the same time he gets back from his flight, so he will be picking her up and bringing her to my house. Saves us a trip to the other side of Orlando. So... I will have my over-energetic, very helpful, very opinionated mom at my house shortly. Guess I better brush my hair.

I am now on the official "community improvement committee" in my hood. This is just an opportunity for me to bust offendors of the HOA LAWS. Love it.

We have new renters next door. Good God, where do they find these people? Ok, ok.. they are nice so far and they do have three, count 'em three, basset hounds. I am sure that they are not supposed to have three. Luckily for them you can't really tell them apart, so they probably just showed one and unless you see them every day, no one will be the wiser. Well, the dogs don't get walked. They get the length of the leash from the dude standing on the little stoop with the big 'ole cig hanging out his mouth. So, needless to say - we are going to have a poop stank problem once it is warm out. Great. Anyway, I am sure J is going to get along with these folks gloriously. I believe they are from Mass... but he always has a beer and a cigarette and looks like he just got up. Oh wait, that will be me August 4th. heeeheee

Cpt J's wife looking for a silver lining

Guilt

The Nextel started one of thes dreaded sound around 230 this morning. J has it programmed to ring differently for text messages and for company. This morning, it was text messages. In a groggy state, J told me, "something happened at Colgan." Not giving it another thought, we were back to sleep. Cpt J has be gone from Colgan for almost 2 years, but he maintains relationships with several pilots. The shock of it all came when he realized that not only did he share a crash pad with the Captain, but he also knew the jump seater who was going to visit his grandmother. This has hit too close to home. My husband is an ex-Colganite. My husband flew all over the NE when he was with them. These are people he knew.

I felt guilty this morning thinking to myself that I am so fortunate to not be the wife, girlfriend or other family member getting that call. I got to roll over this morning and hug my husband close. All the crap in my life is so miniscule compared to the grief that these families are going through.

Cpt J's wife feeling grateful having her pilot home tonight

"I Just Called To Say I Love You..."

Well, it took two days for someone from my office "family" to finally call to see if I threw myself in to traffic or not. Luckily she called my cell, which I have turned off and only check messages via my home phone. Her message seemed sincere and urgent. I say "urgent" because she is someone that I have never really been close to, but I do know that she is very quiet and reserved and rarely shows any emotion. So, for her of all people to call me and ask me to "please call her as soon as possible," indicates to me that she either feels REALLY bad or she is afraid for her own spot on the food chain. I will wait a few more days before calling her back, I just don't feel like talking. I don't want anyone there to think that I am desperate to know what is going on. A teeny-tiny part of me does want to hear that they are all miserable and have MASSIVE amounts of guilt, the other part of me doesn't give two craps about any of them.

I have called on several planners that I have worked with in the past to let them know that I am ready for them to hire me. The same response returns from most of them, "we will let you know... we are waiting to see if WE are still going to have jobs..." "Enjoy being pregnant, wait to go back to work until after the summer." What the freak people? I need cash flow NOW! I am unemployed in one of the CHEAPEST states in the country. Yikes.

I have all my windows open, it's a gorgeous day. My PR neighbors have a cockatiel. It makes noise ALL DAY long. Right now it makes me happy.

Cpt J's wife just is

I Need A Stimulus Check!! NOW!!

Well, it is official... I am now unemployed. Not just "another" unemployed person, but the pregnant bread-winner unemployed. As of right now I swear by Susie Orman, thank God above I took some of her advice and we will be ok... for a while.

I am sure that this will baffle you, just as it does me - they did not lay off my Muslim sector partner. Um, helloooo, knock! knock! anyone home? I have been there for almost 5 years, he has been there for like 5 months. If this damn state wasn't a "right to work" state, I would be all over this. Obviously there is something hinky going on and I didn't win the battle of the personalities. Apparently it pays to be an "A-lister." Whatever, everything DOES happen for a reason and I will come out better for this in the end. Unless of course any of you lovely ladies know something different about Florida law......

J has been fantastic. He has already moved me over to his insurance, so there shouldn't be any hiccups there. I have a good life, I have trust in a higher power, this to shall pass.

Cpt J's wife on an extended vacation

Just Wrong

The jig is up, today is the day I may need to apply for government cheese.

Cpt J's wife watching them drop like flys around her

I Got Somethin' Funky Goin' On

I knew I shouldn't have spoken too soon. I had a feeling that if I kept saying, "oh I feel great, never been better, no throwing up, just a bit of nausea," that it would bit me in the ass. I have been barfing off and on all morning.

Or, it could be that MeMe is super pissed about my birthday indulgences. Yesterday was an all day eatfest complete with filet mignon and mahi prepared by my hubs for dinner. I drank my coffee this morning, only to toss it all into the sink. As I sit here, I consider my escape from my office. I am not a quiet barfer, the whole world knows when I am getting sick. I could NEVER be anorexic.

Or, I could have finally caught something from all these sick people around me. With the weather acting so weird, seems like just about everyone I know has a head funk or a stomach funk. Great.

Cpt J is going to the beach on Monday to spend some time with his folks. They will not be coming to my house this weekend, whoop! whoop!

Cpt J's wife hoping that everyone has a great weekend

Hey, It's My Birthday Too!!

Yesterday's check up was great. Heart is beating in the 150's and I haven't gained a pound. My theory of all of my fat shifting to the front must be true =)

I am 37 today. I changed my meez to how I may of appeared about 20 years ago. I was stuck somewhere between still being my parents princess, a girl of good Southern upbringing (with a little Northern flare thrown in), and a wannabe skater chick ready to challenge the world. Twenty years ago I would never see myself as the person I have become today, and that is really cool. I have seen and done so many things that I could never have imagined. So, I don't feel older today - just that bit much wiser.

According to our astrological sign Aquarius, we are supposed to be: "friendly and humanitarian, honest and loyal, original and inventive, independent and intellectual, intractable and contrary, perverse and unpredictable, unemotional and detached. We are humane, frank, serious minded, genial, refined, sometimes ethereal, and idealistic, though this last quality is tempered with a sensible practicality. We are quick, active and persevering without being self-assertive, and express ourselves with reason, moderation and sometimes, a dry humor." Wow, I feel really good about myself right now. However, I have gotten more emotional as I have aged as well as allowing myself to become attached. Not always a good thing.

My Muslim sector partner and unusual ally brought in lox, cream cheese and bagels. He obviously listened when I said I love everything strawberry, because there was even strawberry cream cheese (not to be eaten with lox, blech). The whole office is having Chipotle with me which is VERY odd, because that is 13 people. That never happens. WTH is going on? My gay work husband even made me a chocolate cake with strawberry frosting. I am one lucky chick today. And one of the coordinators just sang to me in Italian.

I want to wish Nicole a happy birthday today as well! I wish I could be with you tonight for the party!

Cpt J is feelin' the love today

It Might Be Good Day Afterall

I have let out half of a sigh of relief. It looks like I am safe - for now. There is always tomorrow, but at least for now I can enjoy my mac and cheese knowing that I am ok. I am waiting for the "big meeting" announcement to let us all know where we will be cutting back and the hugest suck of all is no raises or any bonuses this year. Please, don't get me wrong - I AM SO GRATEFUL to have a job, but those little ditties, as small as they may have been, were a nice addition.

I go the OBGYN today. I am so freakin' excited that I can't hardly stand it! I know that I am normal for feeling normal, but I need that affirmation that MeMe is growing and doing well.

Tomorrow I will be one year closer to 40. Thank God I still have the mentality of a 20-something!

Cpt J or better known last night as Mr. Whiny pants, was feeling ill. I gave him soup in bed, tucked him in, put socky socks on his footsies. Well, guess who is feeling better today and has his sassy pants on? I simply asked if his parents were coming over or not. He had a hissy. He knows I can't stand them - he's going down.

Cpt J's wife knows growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional

Cabin Fever

Still sitting, waiting, wondering. I analyze every little thing that is said. Yuck.

I don't think I mentioned that my outlaws did not come over this past weekend. The excitement ended quickly when J told me that they would probably be over this weekend. WTF? Don't they know that I am having a mental crisis and the thought of dealing with them is only adding to my stress?? WTH is so f'n important people?

Cpt J flew with a guy today that is the friend of an old college boyfriend of mine. It was bound to happen since in college I only seemed to date aviation students and flight instructors. Freaky thing is the guy remembered me as the "tall blond girl." It eventually catches up to you - I'm telling you.

Why do people that have kids ask me if I know what I am having yet? Did they forget the time line that quick? Or is it that I just look so HUGE that I should be over 20 weeks and know?

I had grits for lunch today. I still haven't used my free Chick-fil-a sandwich coupon, I am holding on to it in case of emergency.

I need to get out of this FUNK! I need a CADILLAC MARGARITA!

Cpt J's wife is experiencing what might be cabin fever

I Am A Buzzkill Today

It's so quiet around here I want to scream. I know that the mood is bleak, but it is soooo much worse when the people who are supposed to be lifting you up are bringing you down.

It has been a long time that I have gone shopping only to buy "what we need" not "what I want." While it hasn't really gotten to that point, I guess I am practicing. Honestly, I consider myself to be a very frugal person - but crap, I spend a lot of uneccessary funds. So, I joined the other bargain shoppers at WallyWorld. I can do this, I can.

J has been super supportive of the whole situation. He thinks that I am overreacting and that everything will be fine. When I sat him down and really gave him a run down of our monthly expenses he about passed out. We live a good life, one without want. I think he may be a little concerned. He may have to get a part time job, I may be bagging groceries soon. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with bagging groceries. I just didn't plan on that with two college degrees.

The upside to all of this is that I may be getting to spend some extra time at home with MeMe. I will have get creative on feeding and clothing the little one, but I am sure things will get better.

I know that I am being a GIAGANTIC kill on any buzz you may have today. Sorry. I just want to punch out the next person that says, "well, at least Cpt J has his job and with all the money he makes....." Becoming a pilot is expensive people. And furthermore, it takes YEARS to make the big bucks and those bucks ain't so big anymore.

Ok, I feel much better. It's raining today so my grass is getting watered for free. I physically feel great and apparently look super cute in my outfit I put together. I have a yummy chocolate snack pack pudding to have with my lunch. So, it's not all bad.

Cpt J's wife praying for the best