Attempting A New Leaf

In just a few days a whole new year starts. I have boarded the "all will be fine in '09" train with positive hopes for a great year. I am not relying the new President, bailouts or the such. I am just going to do my part to be positive and go into things with my eyes wide open, instead of trusting that someone else is making the best decisions for me and my family. I have always been a glass half empty kind of person, I do what I can to prepare for what I consider to be the worse possible scenario. While I still will maintain my frugal ways and shop for the best sale, I will do it with a bigger smile. In the meantime, I plan on getting all my "frustrations" out of the way.

Christmas was fantastic. Nice and quiet with my hub, the beast and my mommy. I almost threw Cpt J's nextel into the lake on a couple of occasions due to the constant phone calls from his family. These people are just weird. No, annoying. Ok, ok, I get it - they were all in NC and poor old J was stuck with me in FL. He must have been miserable having prime rib and a place to sleep, while resting his head on feather pillows in his comfortable jammies. I know that deep down inside J wishes that he were sleeping on an air bed in a house where 15 people are smoking, sharing one bathroom and eating on their laps. Maybe he does. All I know, is I don't want to know - let me relish in the Holiday the way I want to.

Cpt J got me a Wii with sports and fitness "game." Is this a hint?

Apparently I am not fun unless I am drinking (didn't have the energy to kill him).

Flying has been plentiful since Christmas. With a lot of delays and cancelations, J has been coming and going out bizarre hours. I managed to get the decorations and tree down myself, the minimal yard lights, do all the laundry, make homemade soup, a roast, dust and vacuum - all in one day. And sleep A LOT!!!

My PR neighbors had a party Saturday night into the wee hours. It has been in the 80's here, so they were outside. I shot them the poison eye through my blinds several times even though they couldn't see me. Laughing is fabulous, screaming is not.

MeMe has me nauseated all day long. Citrus has become my new vice - I can eat pineapple all day long.

Cpt J's wife trying to remain patient these last few days of '08

Holiday Letters - Don't Want 'Em

So, we didn't get mail all day Friday or Saturday which is very bizarre considering not a day goes by without an advertisement or bill. Well, ALL the mail came yesterday - which included several Christmas cards from Cpt J's family. I opened the one from my SIL because she already sent a card so I was intrigued. Inside the card was a "Holiday Letter." Ok, anyone who knows me, knows I hate getting those things. They work for people with large families that don't speak 10,000 times a year. I already know what is going on in the lives of my friends and family, so I don't need a yearly recap. Well, my lovely SIL made the announcement that we are having a baby. WTF?? Who does she think she is? Why do people in my life think they have the right to go around announcing this? Cpt J and I made the decision to tell a select group of people until after the first trimester. Now the whole freakin' world knows. With my idiot coworker blabbing and now my SIL. Mental note to self, don't tell anyone anything until you want the universe to know.

J is at a loss. He says that he is so confused about who is supposed to know what and when. I assured him that I understand, but it is for us to decide what and when, not his stupid sister. Unfortunately I can't control the bitch I work with, she just has diarrhea mouth.

Neighbor BFF update: Her hubbie took some contract work in another state for 6 months. She has totally let her yard go, there are toys EVERYWHERE and she has isolated herself from everyone. Um, hello - some of us have DH's that are gone 4-5 days a week and we still manage to keep house and socialize. Get over it, at least he is working.

We are off to my mom's and then to the beach for a few days.. hope everyone has a fabulous Christmas!

Cpt J's wife will not be speaking to her SIL this Christmas

Bruiser

Why is it necessary to take 7 vials of blood? I mean, don't they only use like a droplet on a slide to check for whatever it is they are checking for? Won't one vial suffice? Good God, my arm is already turning purple.

MeMe had me in bed all day on Saturday. I was praying that I would either barf or poop, neither of which happened. Instead I lay there, begging for mercy to make the nausea go away. I felt a lot better yesterday, good enough to do about 10 loads of laundry, fold it and actually put it away. Lately Cpt J has been retrieving his clothes from the dining room table or ironing board (which is like two steps from the closet).

I asked J last night if he had everything ready to go for this morning, and he confirmed. At 3:10 this morning he was opening dresser drawers, three to be exact, one for his t-shirt, one for his boxers, and one for his socks. At 5:00 I peered out to the living room where he was sitting and asked if he forgot to leave... "no, I accidently got up an hour early." WTF?

The bitches took the whole week off - thank God! A little peace and quiet for the next 2.5 days!! That moron was still not speaking to anyone on Friday. I hope my friends love me enough to tell me if I EVER act that immature, to grow the F up.

Cpt J's Wife with a big 'ole bruise

F'n Grow Up!

After my post yesterday, I really didn't think immaturity could get any worse.

Last night we had our company white elephant exchange. I sat with my Muslim sector partner and several of the other managers and assistants. The A-List bitches sat together, the usual. My Muslim sector partner (I will call him A), can't except gifts, so I took his number and went through the whole exchange process on his behalf. Well, when I opened A's gift it was a plastic plate, cup and mug with "Dear God.....," a Christmas tree and Santa. Ok, do I need to explain why I needed to get rid of this gift and fast? A wanted some movie tickets that were picked early on... I announced I was trading for the tickets... one of the A-listers had them. She had a FIT, stood up and told the whole room, "well, she can have the tickets! And does everyone know she is pregnant????" I was appalled. But, being the classy person that I am - I took the tickets out of her hand and went back to my seat without a word. Apparently this has created a major stir. She is not speaking to me or anyone else for that matter, she has her door shut and looks like she has been crying. Did I mention this was last night? It was a freakin' white elephant exchange... YOU TAKE OTHER PEOPLE'S GIFTS!!! Bitch.

So, as I brewed all the way home I conjured up lots of other things to be mad at. I layed into Cpt J as soon as I walked in the door, and by the time I went to bed I was getting a divorce and raising my child alone.

I woke up far more rational this morning, apologized to J and the world is a better place - at home. Not here. falallala!!

So, probably 10 people that I don't normally speak to have congratulated me this morning. Not the way I wanted to let people know...

First prenatal appointment today!

Cpt J's wife is one classy broad

Senior Citizens Are Juvies

My mom lives in a large retirement community - like huge, everyone gets around on golf carts and there are over 20 golf courses - anyway, the drama is like the community consists of one street. Everyone is in everyones business, there are the sluts, the gossipers, the married, the single and widowed. Dramaville. My mom is in the widowed category. She is part of a million clubs, has a ton of "friends" and even her little boyfriend. As I have said before, S and my mom do not have sex and I don't even think they hold hands, but they go everywhere together and socialize as a couple. WELL.... there is one loud mouth that hates my mom for dating S, because she wanted him first. Hello? I can't believe I am even saying this, they are senior citizens for Godsake! This bickering has been going on for almost a year and finally came to a head yesterday. P left my mom a voice mail basically "warning" her that she is going to make things in the community difficult for her. What the hell am I supposed to say to my mom? She is a tough cookie, but devestated. As her pregnant daughter can I take this woman out when I am up there next week? Just a reminder, P is a GRANDMOTHER!!! Dramaville, dramaville, it never ends.

Last night was "game night" at our house, typically one Tuesday a month this occurs. Not poker, not cards at all - but, video games. Yes, 4+ wireless controllers, bluetooth headsets and LOUD 52 inch plasma. I padded out to the living room at 3:00 AM and threatened death if the crap didn't end. Cpt J says, "well, I guess it's time to shut down." Like I was some sort of buzzkill for making the shit end at 3:00 AM. Totally my fault for buying the TV and the PS3. Totally.

When I left this morning he hugged me around the waist told us he loved us and that he would have the house cleaned up by the time I get home. Redemption at it's best.

My Muslim sector partner is being very good about participating in the forced Holiday festivities. He has clung to me like glue to take his gift (he cannot take gifts) and dodge weirdness. Me, the wife of a redneck Republican. Life is interesting.

I am limiting my caffeine intake, but I indugled in Barneys White Christmas this morning -mmm, mmm, good!

Cpt J's wife loves what prenatals do to her hair

Spanglish

MeMe will have to learn Spanish. Cpt J speaks Spanish although very few people know it. I know the bad words and basic phrases to help me get through the day since the majority of the people I manage are of Latin descent, but that is the extent of it. Anyway, J refuses to speak Spanish unless he is around his Spanish speaking friends. Qué??? I won't offend anyone by going into the reasons he gave me, but I think they are pretty freakin' loco. If I could speak another language I would using that crap all the time, especially Spanish. Hello, we live in Florida for God sakes!! Anyway, MeMe will be learning Español.

I cannot wait to get this first appointment over on Thursday, the anxiety is killing me. I feel like I am having quads and just want to sleep all the time. I need to know this is ok.

This is the final week of forced Holiday festivities in the office. Thank God, I need a few days to wear stretchy pants, no makeup and eat without any guilt.

Cpt J's wife es vivir la vida loca

Means To The End

I had a nervous break down in Barnes and Noble. Right there, with my mom, in the baby book aisle. We were looking for a nice journal for me to keep memories for MeMe (that is what I call the baby), to have when he or she is older. I looked at the "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" book, opened it the page with the illness, disease and disorder chapter and lost it. I started to sob uncontrollably which got my mom going who thought it was her fault. End of shopping day.

Cpt J has been awesome, yet I picked a fight with him in a restaurant. Just found something that bugged me and turned it into a big production. It didn't help that the server was an ex-flight attendant who wanted to discuss her whole career and career decisions at our table. End of dinner out.

Phony-phonerton sent me an email. A really, really long one apologizing for everything that she did to me over 4.5 years. In an effort to free myself of negative vibes and making it all about me, I forgave her. But we will never been friends again. End of bad feelings towards phony-phonerton.

Bids are out for January. Looks like there is lots of flying, with some new destinations added. End of Cpt J sitting on reserve.

Cpt J's wife finding the means to the end

When Will I Glow?

If one more person tells me their birthing story, they are seriously going to get punched. My face hurts from all the smiling, my neck from all the bending from side-to-side, and my eyebrows from all the frowning and lifting. BACK OFF PEOPLE!!!

I think this behavior of mine can be associated with the fact that I haven't smoked or drank in almost a week. I gotta long road to hoe......

Cpt J is on reserve today. Thank God, we have some doozie storms that are supposed to pass through. I am always relieved when someone can be home with the beast. I don't need the stress of coming home and finding a wall chewed, or a blind torn down. I went in to sticker shock this morning after doing a little internet shopping and realized how much this kid is going to cost. He or she is going to sleep in a drawer. Kidding, kidding...

Cpt J's wife is not yet feeling the glow

Flu Shot

So, everyone keeps asking me if I have told phony-phonerton about the baby. I look at them with the "are you f'n kidding me?" look and they immediately get the hint. Now, I know pp and I were "friends" for a long time, but a baby is not going to make me suddenly have a case of amnesia either. So, bug off - it ain't gonna happen. PS.... she is welcome to find out through the grapevine and shower me with gifts that will be happily accepted.

I got that damn flu shot on Monday morning. Here I am, alone in a cold office, absorbing life changing information, when the chick walks in with a needle. I have heard nothing but negative comments about what happens when you get this shot. While I really don't want it, I have been quickly convinced that is the best idea while I am pregnant. Whoa, I am getting WAY too much information in a short period of time - I am having an anxiety attack - oxygen is given. Bottom line, I have a golf ball lump under my skin and I am not digging it.

Cpt J has become a new man. I knew he had it in him to cook and clean, I even caught him writing down a recipe last night. Interesting.... My outside Christmas lights look like a 4 year old put them up, but I don't have the heart to tell him. Helicopter mom is coming over on Saturday while J is flying, we will fix them then ;)

Cpt J's wife can't move her left arm

Time To Weed Through My BFF's

Thank you all so much for the well-wishes, you guys are the best. Better than a lot of my friends that I can reach out and smack. Overall, the bitches I work with are really happy (not sure what they are talking about behind my back), my mom (shocker), of course the outlaws are ecstatic. My college BFF informed me that she gave me forewarning that I was insane (she has two adopted babies that are, dare I say it... brats) because look at her kids, my HS BFF (see several posts ago) went out of her mind, so I hung up on her and my drinking BFF (the one that is considering trickery to gt pregnant) has not returned my call. My more distant friends have showered me with happiness and lots of luck ;)

As you all know I have been off the pill now since July after being on that sucker since I was like 16 or 17. Nothing, nothing, nothing... last month I was 2 weeks late. This month I am late again, I have just been blowing it off. My Cuban BFF stopped by to see us on Saturday night (I have not seen her since March), she hugs me and says "your pregnant." I explained the whole previous being late situation and ignored her. I won't elaborate on what I consumed Saturday night, but I knew something was up (nothing illegal!!). Went to work Sunday, bought a test, within milla-seconds the thing came up positive. I made Cpt J go to the store to buy two different brands just to be sure... bam, bam, all positive. It just so happened that Monday morning was my coocoo doctor, so I had them do another "official" test and it was a "strong positive." I go to my GYN, who is now my OBGYN on the 18th. I cried all day Sunday, yikes.

I wish I had been on this prego band wagon a lot sooner. Cpt J has done everything around the house without being asked, I got my feet and back rubbed last night without the expectation of sex and he even turned on the shower to warm it up! I finally had to tell him this morning he needs to get out of my butt for a while... we have a long road ahead of us, I don't want him wearing out in the first few weeks.

J is off for recurrent sim the first week of January. It should be nice reprieve after the stress of the Holidays.. but my helicopter mom will come and stay with me - I just know it. These people are treating me like a porcelain egg. I know that they are happy, but good God.

So, I will have more info on the 18th. Again, thank you guys for being so kind - I am sure I will be asking you a lot of questions!!

Cpt J's wife is fragile, back off

Cinnamon - Can't Get Enough

I know that you are not supposed to say anything for a while - but I am prego!

More to follow....

Cpt J's wife eatin' Hot Tamales

Today Is Bloody Mary Kinda Day

There is this one guy that keeps calling Cpt J to take his flights. The problem is he calls him only a few hours before the show time. Idiot.

I got ripped off today because I can't say no. I bought a beaded necklace for $35 that I could have probably made myself. 'Tis the season to be guilted.

Today is potluck #1 for the month. I am not hungry and I think my rice is crunchy.

The beast tore a piece of the porch screen at 2 this morning. Cpt J just had to get up and smoke a cig and take Mr. Destructo with thim. Well, our resident armadillo was out for a leisure cruise of the yard, not expecting a 110 pound of ferocity to attempt a break out from the porch. I went outside and yelled at J and the beast, I slept alone.

The lights are going up tomorrow. J informed me that he doesn't start a fire. Maybe he should pick up one of those flights afterall.

Cpt J's wife needs a Bloody Mary

White Elephant Nightmare

Cpt J is sick. He has been throwing up and going to the bathroom every 5 minutes for almost 24 hours. It's amazing how much he turns in to a baby when he gets sick and I become so unbelievably maternal it is scary. He isn't scheduled to fly until Monday, thank God.

Well, I started my Christmas shopping. Let me tell you, it sucks. I don't have many people to buy for, but I some how always manage to go overboard. And this year, we have two white elephant company thingies to attend. I really hate white elephant - A LOT. I always end up with something horrible (like urine-be-gone) and it takes FOREVER. There is always the idiot that tries to hide the good gift and the one gift that goes around-and-around. Did I mention this takes FOREVER? A couple of years ago I thought I had hit the jackpot with a knock off version on Bailey's. Well, when I opened it a few days later it was rotten. The liquid and separated from the cream and it was clumpy. So, I have learned not to set my expectations too high. Last year I regifted a set of salt and pepper pilgrims from Publix. Take that!!

In my office we have two directors, two senior managers, four managers and five assistants. The only people who have money to spend are the directors and seniors and then it trickles down from there. The gift exchange amongst us is always stressful and obviously unbalanced. So, this year we are doing the gift stealing game (otherwise known as white elephant). You can use your imagination on how that will go - the person who spent the least will end up with the best gift. I know, I know, it is all about the spirit of giving. Sorry, I am not on board with the getting jipped game or the fact that the little b*tch in the front cube never spends a dime on ANYTHING we do as a group. Let's put it like this, she always brings the .50 2-liter bottle of generic soda while the rest of us have created something for everyone to enjoy.

J's family is still trying to guilt him into traveling to NC for the few days before Christmas. I swear people, he is not guaranteed a flight to-and-fro, and he needs to be with ME, his WIFE this year. We haven't spend a Christmas together in years!!! Morons.

Assuming Cpt J is not stuck four States away for Christmas Eve, we are joining my mom for mass. That hasn't happened in years as well, so with or without him I will be going with her. It's outside because of the massive amount of attendees. My cute mom has already found three new thermoses so we can take "coffee." Got love her.

Cpt J's wife will be doing tons of laundry tonight due to Cpt J's rear issues

It's Not Fiction

I have a crazy cast of characters in my life. It keeps my life interesting and my husband intrigued. He wonders where the person I once was went and how I collected these people along the way. I am typically the winner of the lies/truth game. People always assume that my history is a fiction novel - it's not.

Where is this coming from? The internet. So many people that I have lost touch with have fallen out of the blue. Wondering what the hell happened to me and if I am still alive.

W called me yesterday. I have known her since I was 4. She introduced me to punks and skaters, sneaking out and doing drugs. Her mom's purse provided us with cigarettes and loose change. I was an expert at five-finger discounts and lying to my parents. We drifted apart in HS when I started dating a guy with a corvette. She was against anything material and following the rules. I saw her about 8 years ago for the first time in probably 10 years. It was like we never had a falling out and not a day had gone by. She was living in a commune, growing her own food and making her own clothes. By this time she was a wife and mom, making a life for herself. Fast forward the 8 years - she has another daughter, and ex-husband and is on the run from an abusive boyfriend that is 20 years older that her. We had been in communication via email for the past few years when suddenly she disappeared and then reappeared yesterday. W, you are in my prayers.

C calls me everyday. I have known her since I was 15. She was my introduction to blue eye shadow, aqua net and big bangs. While we didn't run in the same crowd, she was my neighbor and would give me a ride to school. She was the town bicycle and was known amongst the football players as "BJ." Sad thing, she loved the label. We would smoke cigarettes and listen to Metallica for hours, reclined in her Dodge Daytona looking out the sunroof. I would get drunk off a couple of wine coolers that I smuggled out of the Quick Pick (how appropo) in my back pack. She refused to drink or smoke pot, it was "disgusting." Here we are over 20 years later... C has never been married, no kids, no job and a heavy pot smoker. She has had over 500 "boyfriends," 500 jobs - you get the picture. I still talk to her everyday.

I have met Cpt J's childhood friends. Regardless of his parents, he had a very normal life with very normal friends. He never did drugs, didn't start smoking until his early 20's and had his first beer with the guys on his football team. He has always been a good student, dean's list, an athlete. Everything has come natural.

Not sure where all of this nostalga is coming from. My assistant thinks I am nesting. I am doing some really random things these days that I swore I would never do - it would be too maternal. We'll see...

Cpt J's wife is still a sounding board for the people she loves

Bra Collection

Where did this year go? How can it be December already? Crap.

My mother has finally lost her marbles. I bought her a computer for her 70th birthday and set it up for her while I was at her place for Turkey Day. She has no clue how to use the thing and as many times as I repeat myself or write stuff down, she forgets. I am pretty confident that my mom does not have Alzheimer's or anything like that, she is just stubborn. I took a couple of pictures while I was with her and sent them to her last night so that she could have some emails to open (and to practice). Good God, I have caused her to become a shut-in. She has decided that she is never leaving the house again and, "why in the hell didn't I tell her she looked like that??" WTF? I would never have sent her the photos if I thought they were bad. I have told her 10,000 times this morning that she is overeacting and needs to settle down... it isn't working. Crap.

I collect food and other random items in my bra. Not really sure how long this has been going on, but I have discovered just how much stuff falls in between my boobs. As a matter of fact, I just dropped a peanut down there.

Cpt J is flying today and then off for 10 days. Whatta life I tell ya. At least he has a solid schedule the rest of the month which will allow me some free time. I am not busy at all this month with work, which sucks, but hopefully I can get a few personal things accomplished.

Still working on the prego plan. I have a date with my gyno in January to start some other options to get this ball rolling.

Cpt J's wife is internet shopping