Mental

I am convinced that when I get older I will probably talk to walls, push a shopping cart and have lots of dogs. I think that is because every day someone tells me I am crazy or weird. Honestly, I am sure that these are used as endearments - but occasionally I wonder.

CptJ will tell me all the time that I didn't say something when I know I did. Not like days or months later, but only moments after I am sure I just asked a question with no response. My assistant tells me all the time that I never told her to do something. Perhaps it is their ploy to make me insane?

I laugh out loud. For no reason, well in my mind there is a reason. I yell from my office, "just another spontaneous outburst. Just ignore me." And usually they do. Or tell me I am weird. Things that I find hilarious, others do not. CptJ had a "situation" with the airplane the other day. When I was on the phone with him I remained calm and actually joked with him about it. The girls that I was sitting with looked at me awestruck and asked how I could be so calm. Well, I was on the phone with him so he was safe right? Good grief, relax. I would be a MAJOR wreck all the time if I got worked up every time he was on a flight.

So, I have pinned my hair up with one of those big paper clippy things and everyone that walks my office is staring at me. God their lives must be boring!

Higher Power

I haven't been to church in a really long time. I honesty couldn't even try to guess when.

The excuses have been many - CptJ is flying, I have to work for a few hours, it's a great boat day, we are at the condo, there is yard work.... pretty pathetic. I figure that just like anything else in life, once you get out of the habit of doing something it is pretty easy just to ignore it.

CptJ and I both went to private schools and grew up in homes where there was a lot of spirituality. As adults we resented a lot of the behavior and condemnation that was placed on us if we didn't do the right thing. We both believe in a higher power - but have our questions of how to embrace our own feelings of being spiritual. Many hours are consumed watching educational shows on the Bible and history. A lot is learned, but more often than not, more questions will arise.

You are asking yourself "where is this coming from??" In my previous blog I wrote about a co-worker that was diagnosed with cancer. To everyone's suprise, especially mine - my best friend who is also a co-worker has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. While the prognosis is a positive one, it's hard for me to find the positive outlook right now. She is very young, two children and had not one sign that this was happening. It's possible this mass has been growing for years.

The blessing lies that it has been found and she is being treated.

CptJ is a way for a few days and I am grateful for the peace and quiet. It has given me an opportunity to find my own clarity and dig deep for my belief in a higher power.

Jumping Ship

Ok, I have jumped on the site moving band wagon. I too was starting to feel stifled and restricted to only aviation interested readers who just didn't get it.

I am still Cpt. J's wife. But... there is more to me than that.

I have a career, I love dogs, the beach and margaritas. I want a child, but feel like I may be getting too old. I hate bad drivers and people who smell funny. I cuss a lot and like to make people laugh.

I sneeze really loud and like to say shut up. I am a clean freak but my closet and car are disaster zones. I work too many hours and need a vacation. A real vacation, not one where I have to spend time with extended family.

I love to give hugs but don't like strangers standing too close to me. My mom is my best friend and I have mostly male friends. I love my husband very much but definetly don't tell him enough. Long toe nails are disgusting and people with gross teeth make me gag.

I think it is ok to refer to your pet as a member of your family or a little person with fur. Pets should not have to live outside. I secretly love reality shows. I go nuts when Cpt. J has too many days off. I don't eat spinach or radishes.

So, all of that being said - I am happy to have moved on with others that I hope to keep in touch with and maybe make a few new friends a long the way!