Three More Fridays 'Til Margaritas!

I have never seen Cpt J panic... until yesterday. He is the calm one, the cool headed one, yeah right!

We were sitting watching a movie. Well, he was sitting. I have to get up, sit down, move one leg, move the other, rub my belly, rub my back - you get the picture. I will occasionally get these "electric shocks" if you will, on various parts of my front. Lately, the electric shock has been shooting down my pelvis, which I am convinced is a hand reaching out of my vajayjay. Anway, it usually goes away pretty quick, but yesterday it lingered. I sort of leaned forward, let my belly hang between my legs and just sort of panted. The look of terror on J's face was priceless. He jumped up, went outside to smoke, paced back and forth... he freaked.

Once he calmed down, we discussed that he needs to get it together. Like seriously, I am the one who can't handle stress and I will be a little too busy to keep him calm. I never thought I would see this side of him. He is sure he will be ok, but I am beginning to wonder. He calls from remote places in the country and asks me how I am feeling. Dude, I will never tell you the truth. I will spring it on you when you get home, or you receive a call from the hospital. You have become a basket case.

Weekly OB tomorrow, please give me some good news!!!!

Cpt J's wife has approximately three Fridays until she can have a margarita

Mish Mosh

So, the OB didn't see my humor in "swallowing prey" comment. I thought it was a great description, but apparently I am just a maniac with too much time on my hands. They were also not intrigued by my "reverse morning sickness" theory either. I just have a child pressing on my organs and that is why I want to barf all the time.

Cpt J took me out on a date a couple of nights ago. The server was pregnant, the lady behind us had one of those kids that kept turning around in the booth to talk to us and is trying to have another and the check out lady at the grocery store is pregnant. Poor J, I felt compelled to apologize as he is surrounded by constant pregnancy. Anyway, I started sobbing before we left. I felt fat, had nothing to wear (whatever), and didn't want to embarrass him by waddling in to the restaurant. In true Cpt J form, he reassured me, found me something to wear and made me feel beautiful. We had a great time. He is also very excited about the fact that he can assist in "priming my vagina." Enough said, look that one up.

Thank you to our friends and family that have bought onesies for babes. But, can I please have one that says, "future doctor," "future lawyer," "future sports phenom." I don't want the munchkin to be a pilot. Unless he goes to Annapolis and becomes an officer and ... you see where I am going. My husband is brilliant, has a million dollar education, has the lives of 150+ people each flight in his hands, lives the dream (blech), but has just gotten over the poverty line in the past few years. He will be paying off student loans for the next 10,000 years and would still be a nomad if it weren't for me keeping put. Ok, I am not going to continue my tangent, you get the idea. So, please no more "future aviator" onesies.

Cpt J's wife has a sweaty ass - all the time!

Funnies

A few funny moments the past few days:

I thought I was in labor (or hoping I was) while in the shower the other night. Honestly, showering is the only time I am naked, so these things may have been occuring and I am just now noticing. Anyway, I looked down between my boobs and watched my stomach as it rolled around in to this bizarre shape. The only way to describe it is like a snake swallowing her live prey. I screamed for Cpt J who was outside smoking - I waddled out, naked, banged on the slider and beckoned him to come inside. While like a lightening bolt he was there watching - calm as a cucumber (has anyone actually seen an upset cucumber?). So, it came and went. No baby, only Braxton Hicks.

We went for the car seat and stroller yesterday. yippee! My cousin's pram cost them 700 pounds - WTF? Our's was under $200, the whole shabang! Anyway, I picked up a diaper genie after returning something God awful that my MIL purchased, and out we went. Well, J crashed into a cart propped up against this cement barrier thing outside and busted his eyebrow on the corner of the box. He was in such a "nerve induced" hurry to get out of there and with the boxes in the way, he crashed... it was freakin' hilarious. Thank God for the pantyliner, I peed again.

Cpt J's wife wishing America a Happy Birthday

Can I Still Call It Cooter?

I have been nauseous, is there such a thing as delayed morning sickness?

Cpt J has a head cold of some sort. This guy is so lucky, two DAYTIME severe congestion and he has been asleep for hours.

I am now addicted to Edy's lime frozen fruit bars. Due to my SUGAR PROBLEM, I am limited to two a day. I could eat those little suckers morning, noon and night.

My ankles have started to swell and I am HOT all the time (even in the air conditioning).

I craved a cigarette for the first time in 35 weeks yesterday.

Cpt J and I danced to Alabama in the nursery this morning. That was the first time in a long time we have slow danced without him wanting sex.

I have started to worry that J will be in the air when I go into labor.

I keep waiting for the nesting phase... Let it fall where it may and I will get it later, the total opposite of who I used to be.

I can't believe how forgetful I have become.

Next week I go for my first vaggie feel and extended fetal monitoring. Can't wait to hear the little boo's heartbeat for 20 minutes straight, but not looking forward to Dr. C's hand up my cooter. Now that I am almost 40 and going to be someone's mom can I still refer to my va-j-j as a cooter and other random words?

Cpt J's wife at 35 weeks, 3 days

Toot! Toot!

Ok, so not to toot my own horn - but here I go anyway.. Apparently I look WAY better than I feel. Now, I don't live in a fantasy world - I mean, who is going to actually have the balls to tell a 6'0 pregnant woman in 100 degree weather that she looks like shit? BUT, the gays all told me I look FAB and I keep hearing this ever so important compliment from random strangers! toot toot!!

I survived the shower; however, there are several bodies in my wake. My perfect little nephews girlfriend no-called, no-showed. Told you I didn't like her, but he is in trouble as well. A few other people didn't show either even though they RSVP'd - THAT IS RUDE IDIOTS. Not sure if my college girlfriend and I will survive the distance after this weekend. Brain tumor, I-had-a-Latin-lover, ex-coworker was great and my friend/little sister is fantastic as always. My mom behaved herself and in perfect form, my gay husband was wonderful. The people that ACTUALLY showed, were extremely generous and I didn't sweat at all.

Cpt J is coming home tonight. It was good for him to have a little reminder of crash pad living and I think two nights were enough. He emailed his chief pilot this morning to let him know that he will need to take FMLA in only a few more weeks!! He said he felt like such a dad. I love that guy, all it takes is small stuff to make him happy.

Cpt J's wife is treating herself to pizza rolls tonight for not being arrested

Made It Through One, Bring On Another

I survived, barely.

I am so glad I quit smoking. I mean really, at one point it was 105 on the back porch - is sitting out there puffing away really worth it? I am not really sure I was there, I spent the whole time inside. Not sweating my ass off drinking beer and smoking in air that wasn't being circulated. God forbid they should spring for a ceiling fan, or even one that oscillates on the floor. Those days of insanity are over.

They justified not coming to my shower this weekend by giving us some gifts while we were there. It is really sad when the neighbor people put more thought into a purchase than the soon-to-be-grandparents.

Now that all of that is behind me, my girlies have started arriving. My old-assistant-turned-little-sister, popped in last night to say hey before she was off running the town. She left her little puggie with us, and off she went. My college buddy that initiated all of this shower insanity will be in tomorrow, and my ex co-worker that had the brain tumor and the Latin lover will be in Friday. I have quite the motley crew of friends that will all be forced to sit through two-hours of ooohs and aahhs on Saturday. Should be fun sans the normal supply of alcohol.

Cpt J has decided that he will be spending a few days with one of his work buddies to avoid all the estrogen. I will miss him, but am looking forward to some female bonding before I bring another man into the house.

Cpt J's wife surrounded by boys

Draw The Line Already!

Heli-mom is on her way over. I am just not having a great day and I guess she could hear it in my voice. Somehow I don't think her arrival will be any sense of relief since she is part of my stress.

Cpt J has a hoopty truck that gets him to and fro the airport. Well, the motherf*** keeps breaking down. And you know, he is a FORD expert so he is determined to fix it himself. Here you go.. I drive to the ghetto of O-Town to follow him and the hoopty home. He clunks out about 5 miles from the FORD dealership.... I proceed to PUSH HIM with my Vue up the road. Hello, REDNECKS!! He is right, they want more than the truck is worth to fix it, so he wants me to PUSH him from the dealership tomorrow. WTF? No. So, I called a favor in and it is getting towed to the house. Why can't he just give in to the system and buy a new or newer vehicle? Does it makes sense to keep pouring money into a car? Where do you draw the line? Don't even get me started on the Mustang, but thank God for it, otherwise I would be driving back and forth to the airport.

My gay husband made a comment this morning that hurt my feelings. He has no filter and I am used to his honest remarks, but shit... can't seem to get past this one. Queen.

J picked up time on Saturday to make up for calling out yesterday. This means I have to meet him at the inlaws Saturday afternoon. I tried to get out of it, but apparently there is something "planned."

Blech.

Cpt J's wife is spoiled